The January days, when the fallen Christmas trees have been standing by the trash cans for a long time, become every year, according to many statistics, a crisis period and a stress test for partner relationships, some of which regularly do not last until February and Valentine's Day comes with a "cross on the head". Are these just platitudes or are they facts? We would not engage in false alarms and waste time to write an article. That January is the most common month for breakups is simply a fact! We've found out what psychologists think about it, why it happens, but most importantly we come up with principles that will make sure your relationship doesn't make it into the January breakup statistics.
Psychologists don't see any big science to this phenomenon. They say it's mostly a submarine sickness, topped off by the worries around Christmas and the end of the year, when a lot of things are in the pipeline and, paradoxically, there's actually no peace and quiet, even though it's the holidays of well-being. Just think of how many times you have been directly involved in conflicts and disagreements during the holidays when visits to families and relatives are planned. Everything has to be perfect especially for the partners during those days. That is why January is the month when fatigue and full moon catch up with many. Simply through December, the cup began to pile up until the New Year overflowed. And I'm sure you know it - new year, new beginnings. We've just hit the point where you stop being counted on in a relationship and get dumped during January as soon as your partner gets up the courage to open up a painful conversation. Uncomfortable, right? However, your partner's desire for a fresh start and relationship refreshment doesn't have to mean pointing out to her that she's the bad guy and everything is her fault. Sure, emotions are sometimes hard to tame and the rancor may be there in the moment, but realize that your partner has probably been annoyed by something in your relationship for a long time and in the month of January - a month when the days are short, it's still dark, we spend more time at home together and the streets are frosty or drizzly - everything just exploded in a breakup. Because you didn't notice, or were overlooked with the "it's going to be okay" stereotype in all the discontent. According to psychologists, this example is the most common template. Mutual breakups out of "reason" and the gradual wearing off of mutual love are statistically less common.
So how do we get out of this? Is breaking up the only option? And is there any way to track that January will be a bummer for your relationship? This may help you make sure January isn't the month of breakups:
Start analyzing the previous months by increasing your emotional intelligence
Of course, you can ask your partner directly what's going on that makes you feel like your relationship is losing "drive" and is no longer satisfying to your counterpart. However, if you don't assess the situation and ask at the wrong time, the whole thing could be counterproductive and make your partner even more upset or end up in an argument between an already uptight woman. Our sensitive counterparts love it when we notice ourselves and can read wishes without them being spoken. This is where our masculine rationality and feminine emotions collide. Have you ever noticed that women often say something completely different than what they are really thinking? It's hard to get your head around that! Why can't women often speak simply and directly? Admit it, would you like your partner if she acted like a man? Probably not much, right? That's why you need to start working on your emotional intelligence. You can start by noticing your emotional reactions during the day, your body's reactions to them, and being aware of how your emotions and your behavior are connected. Practice making decisions about how you behave. All men today who are called alpha males or packers have above average emotional intelligence, which is why they are so good at guessing and understanding women's behavior and needs instead of dwelling on what women are telling them.
By improving your emotional intelligence, you can easily decipher what has been negative for your partner in the previous months and simply avoid these patterns in the future or better still, set in motion an immediate remedy that is guaranteed to rekindle your partner's love for you.
Add touches, as these often disappear in a long-term relationship
Touch is definitely one of the best relationship glues. Remember, however, that a woman's need for tenderness is not limited to the time of the first big crush or sex. The idea that we men are not supposed to show our feelings in order to preserve our masculinity is wrong. Of course, being on the other side of the spectrum - the whiner and perpetual complainer, is also completely wrong. Remember, tenderness is not just for amorous foreplay and a woman needs it for her arousal. Try to go to the remedy in a simple way - add, for example, a kiss and a caress to say goodbye when leaving for work, to say hello, good night. And if you're already arguing lightly or disagreeing about something, simply sit across from each other and add physical contact, hugs, caresses instead of reproaches.
Never question if you don't want to sink deeper
Disagreements in a relationship can often lead to questioning your partners. Questioning does not include casual asking, but once pressure and insistence are added, the situation will tip into this desperate practice. Ask yourself if you have resolved anything by any questioning, or if the situation has led to an even bigger argument. Instead of interrogating, work on the previous point and you will see that your partner will be happy to confide in you herself after a time what is bothering or has bothered her.
Learn to praise
Praise and appreciation has incredible power when given correctly. Forgetting these key elements of interpersonal relationships is common in work life and relationships. If your partner's efforts at work are not appreciated and she comes home with no praise either, believe me, it is extremely frustrating for her. So how to praise to the greatest effect? Praise is best received by others when it is meant completely sincerely and from the heart. To achieve this, learn to notice everything your partner does or tries to do. Even if something goes wrong but heart was put into it, it is appropriate to praise for the effort made. And without a doubt, it's better to praise some than not at all.
Try to diversify your love life
As time passes, the desire slowly fades from any relationship and sex becomes routine. Some couples may not mind, but statistically there is a large portion of female partners who are not satisfied enough in the long run. If you're "pounding it" for dear life, but without any sexy foreplay or changes, your routine may be totally insufficient for your partner, because you'll have a hard time leading her to the amazing orgasms she craves to experience like any other female sexual being. So what to do for a change? For example, a change of scenery can be an experience for both of you. It really is a bit boring when you only make love in bed all the time. And it doesn't have to be far from boredom to infidelity. Take advantage of other places in your home or somewhere you go on a trip. Try anything adventurous that is guaranteed to excite you both to a new level. You can achieve this with different sex toys, aphrodisiacs or experimenting with positions and styles of lovemaking. You're guaranteed to find a closeness to each other this way that has been fading in recent months.
Don't buy silly things
Trying to "buy" anyone is akin to desperation as interrogation. Don't think that if everything is wrong in a relationship, gifts will fix it. Of course, such a bouquet of roses will warm the heart, but it is not a long-term solution. The joy of material things is fleeting. It's amplified in the case of gift-giving. This principle is best noticed in children, but can be applied to us adults as well.
And finally, remember to take proper care of yourself in all of this. Because what you do for yourself is just as important as what you do for the relationship.